And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
