$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
