dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
