stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
