if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
