remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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