woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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