look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
