Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
