Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
