Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
