Sorry, I don't speak sober.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
