I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
