My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
