I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
