I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
