his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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