i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
