Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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