I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
