ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
