there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
