I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
