Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
