Will you blow on my dice?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
