I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
