Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
