there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
