When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
