well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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