I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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