somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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