a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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