Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
