A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
