i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
