Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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