a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
