Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
