Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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