Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
soo... how was my night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
