Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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