i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
