I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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