I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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