Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
