You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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