So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
