for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
