we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
