We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
