While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
