How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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