As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
