Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
