Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
