Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
