Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
