Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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