I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
