someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
